Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 11 : “What a Lovely Landing Strip” Quotes

What a Lovely Landing Strip Quotes
Rose: [Bridget is spying on Walden and Zoey through the glass doors] Did he break your heart?
Bridget Schmidt: [Bridget turns, sees Rose standing beside her, and screams but covers her …

Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 10 : “A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes” Quotes

A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes Quotes
Jake Harper: She was totally hitting on you.
Walden Schmidt: Really?
Jake Harper: Yeah, you should ask her out.
Walden Schmidt: Okay.
[screaming]
Walden Schmidt: Hey, Zoe, do you wanna go on a date …

Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 9 : “Frodo’s Headshots” Quotes

Frodo’s Headshots Quotes
Walden Schmidt: I’m sorry you had to find out this way.
Alan Harper: Oh, really? Really? How would you have liked me to hear it? Twitter? Facebook? A singing telegram?
[sings]
Alan Harper: Ta-ra-ra boom dee …

Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 8 : “Thank You For The Intercourse” Quotes

Thank You For The Intercourse Quotes
 
Walden: I don’t know [Alan] as well as you do. Is he prone to having mental breakdowns?
Berta: Prone? No. Eligible? Absolutely.

Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 7 : “Those Fancy Japanese Toilets” Quotes

Those Fancy Japanese Toilets Quotes
Alan: (reading Charlie’s journal) “To whom it may concern: If you are reading this, it means either my heart or lungs finally gave out. Or I rejected my new liver. Or …

Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 6 : “The Squat and the Hover” Quotes

The Squat and the Hover Quotes
Alan Harper: [about Walden drinking] Is this about your ex-wife?
Walden Schmidt: No.
Alan Harper: Walden.
Walden Schmidt: Maybe.
Alan Harper: Walden.
Walden Schmidt: Yes.
_______________________________________
Alan Harper: We need to get your mind on something else. …

Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 4 : “Nine Magic Fingers” Quotes

Nine Magic Fingers Quotes
Alan: I was wondering how you would feel about me having an overnight guest.
Walden: I thought you were the overnight guest.

Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 3 : “Big Girls Don’t Throw Food” Quotes

Big Girls Don’t Throw Food Quotes
Jake: Did you know that Walden made his first million before he was 19?
Alan: How many zeroes in a million, Jake?
Jake: M-I-L-L-I-O-N. One!
_______________________________________
Alan: Charlie was my brother. He loved having …

Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 2 : “People Who Love Peepholes” Quotes

People Who Love Peepholes Quotes
Walden: (after waking up on the deck naked) Do you remember anything?
Alan: Uh, we went to a liquor store, and then we came back here.
Walden: Then we went skinny dipping.
Alan: Right, …

Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 1 : “Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt” Quotes

Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt Quotes
Walden: Guess what? I had sex with two girls last night.
Alan: Great. I masturbated and cried myself to sleep.
_______________________________________
Alan: I’d like to take a moment to talk about my …

Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 2 : “A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer” Quotes

A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer Quotes

Berta: (on how she gets people to leave) Just tell ‘em you missed your period and you’re out of pot.
_______________________________________
(Alan is moving out and Charlie has helped him …